Most of my adult life, I have found myself trying to convince myself that I am doing alright. My family broke up when I was a Teenager and my first wife died. After my Dad left my Grabdfather died and that night I ran until I could not remember coming home.
My running was just a symbiotic foreshadowing of the rest of my life, at least until about seven years ago, when I met Kansa. The woman who is now my wife gave me the only life I care to remember. Before that was a collage of blurry images, with breif moments of Hell.
They say that you are lost when you are living in sin. Well it is the truth. I was taking the most dangerous missions hopping that a bullet would find me. I was living a life of promiscuity and was addicted to both sex and pornography. To top things off I was living out of my backpack and had convinced myself that I was happy with my life of instability. Infact I would tell people that my instability was my stability.
The truth was, even when I conned my way into a Catholic Seminary, I was running because I did not know who God needed me to be. At one point I was a weapon for the highest bidder. Latter I rescued a family off of the roof of a collapsing house during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Like I said I was what ever the circumstances needed at the time.
My time in the Legion taught me to forge whatever document I needed to con my way into a job. I even worked as a teacher for a time, but no one knew who I was, least of all me. But my wife introduced me to the man in the mirror and to Jesus. The family I never would have had without my wife change my life for the better.
I put most of that life behind me and it is not easy making an honest living. But we make due. I tend to have a short feuse and a hot head but I am getting better.
Kansa and I don’t talk about my past but live for the future. She knows that I have skills that no honest person should ever have a chance to develope but we leave it there.
I am greatful for the gophel in my life. I would probably be dead otherwise.