Last night a special friend asked me if I was afraid of anything. I said that I was afraid of dying alone but there is so much more to it than what is on the surface.
Before I lost Kansa, I was really sick. Arrested breathing, uncontrollable coughing, vomiting my own blood, was a daily thing. Sometimes even hourly. The other day I woke up in a pool of my own blood and two things popped into my head.
First, I had to clean up the mess.
Second, who would miss me if I died in my sleep?
I am afraid of living alone because, I have a real fear of passing in my sleep and no even noticing that I am gone. Last year I came close to seeing the other side many times. Twice Kansa woke me up before I could drowned in my own blood.
I am scared that the monster I beat a year ago will return and no one would care enough to remember me. The last thing I want is for someone to find my wroughten corpse in some random apartment.
With Kansa gone I have no one to comfort me through the seizures and vomiting. I am afraid of being alone. Friends that will stick by you when things get bad are hard to come by. It would be nice to find someone that wants to be in my life through everything.