I have a good life, although is not the life I bargained for. I never thought or even wanted to be happy without Kansa in my life but I find that I am. Still I am having to eat some humble pie as I work on my own recovery from my loss.
My vision is getting worse and my mental health is not what it was to say the least. Still my new wife has chosen to be at my side while Kansa ran and left me to die.
My first reaction is always to run from anything that I don’t have control over. Well Darlene and her hospitality knew nothing different. It seemed that the more Darlene tried to show her love for me, the more I felt trapped in these new circumstances.
My new life seems to be a dream of sorts that I can’t wake from. I am disassociating to the point that I am unaware of the time that has passed. Keep in mind that I never believed in mental illness, yet in a sick twist of irony I am forced to reevaluate my stand.
My ex-wife said that she wants me to be happy, but most of the time I find that I am lost in my own personal grief. I just want to be happy again. Darlene is a good person and deserves better than what I can offer.
But I must let her decide.
Over the passed year, I have lived throw cancer gotten divorced, been diagnosed with diabetes and been in and out of the mental health ward ofour local hospital and still people want me to go on.
What I have learned through this is that my happiness must be up to me. I am not perfect and don’t pretend to be: however, I know that in spite of my past I can still have hope.
Darlene came to my rescue when Kansa left me. I had hoped to at least keep a friendship with my ex-wife, but she would not have it. Her choice forced me to move on. Now I am married to Darlene and still not quite recovered from the lost of Kansa in my life.
Yesterday Darlene and I went to the beach with Arthur, who is one of our dogs and watched him play in the sand. We took the long way home and enjoyed the time we had together. Kansa and I never took the to do the simple things like just taking a drive for no reason.
Relationships take work and Kansa gave up. I find myself stuck in one day’s event, that keeps me from moving on. The pain of April 6, 2017 has me checking and rechecking the date. I have lost track of my life because of being stuck in the moment that Kansa walked out. I must choose to move on.
Kansa and I worked out what we could but we never would get back together. I still send her the occasional letter just to show that I care but at least in this life time we agreed mutually that even a friend ship my be too much. But the truth is we are just too different. She needs someone who cares about holidays and birthdays.
The ironic is that the day she left for good I bought her a ring to replace to one she said she lost or did she throw it away like she did to me? I had it in my hand when I was invaded by her family. I clinched it so hard that even today the pattern of the ring can be seen in the palm of my hand.
From day one with Kansa’s councilor, the friction has been extreme. He told her to leave me, and she promised to stay but she she is going back to see him for counciling.
When I confronted her about it, say said that I was giving her an ultimatum. I see it as Kansa never thinking of my feels on the matter and just doing what she wants. In fact the first thing she did this morning was call Doug, knowing that thus would hurt me. I am trying to be understanding but I am feeling lied to and spit on by my best friend.
I have been feeling alday that she doesn’t care about our relationship and rhat I need to just move on. I have been prayi g about this and gotten nothing so fare. At this point I am feeling a bit suicidal myself.
I have no one to turn to and Kansa is not listening. She feels that I am being selfish for getting upset about her seeking help. I say if Psychiatry was a real science Kansa would have a valid argument. But anything she tells me about multiple personalities smiply offends me. It is as if she thinks of me as some naive child who would believe anything.
Anyway it has been a long day and I just want it to end. I am hopping to feel differentially after some sleep. Kansa wants me to come and see he tomorrow but I fear that I would not be good company after being lied to and taken advantage of. Someone please shoot me and take me out of my misery.
My world is crashing down around me. My best friend has went the way of my family. I am so alone.
I am not doing too well myself right now. I have always had Suicidal Tendencies the difference is I learned to recognized what was happening and surround myself with people my issue right now is I can’t find anybody to stay with. Being alone is dangerous for me at this piont.
After about a week of Kansa being locked up in the prison they call a hospital, I started to ask myself why Kansa gets sick around both Christmas and Easter? Then I remebered that her meds were charged.
I went back into my journal and found a trend that was unmistakable.
- November 15, 2010 Doctor changed meds for sleeping.
- December 10, 2010 Kansa goes into hospital.
- March 1, 2011 Doctor changes sleeping Meds.
- March 10, 2011 Kansa ends up in hospital with suicidal thoughts.
- December 3, 2011 Doct changes meds.
You can guess whst happened next. Seven years latter and the same patern is seen. It is as if the doctors were contracted to kill my wife the same way they killed my grandfather. I don’t know what to do other than stay on the Isle of Apples.
Avalon is the most beautiful of the islands ans I have always thought of her as home. Kansa would not understand why we could not go back to see her family but my families history may have put a price on her head. Here on the Isle of Apples she should be safe.
After all no council member would dream of breaking the treaty of Dann. This is sacred gound where no blood can be spilt in anger. I do pitty the fool who would ever break a covenant mad with the gods of pur fathers.
Christians dismiss and even mock the faith of the ancient religions, yet the Egyptians had 100% success rate winning the fight against cancer.
Mock me all you want, but I believe in the Tuath Dé.
Please Note: This post is a work of fiction that is used to teach a leson at http://www.anarchyempowered.com
We were up all night, my wife and i. She listened to her music as she paced the hard wood floor of our old farm house. At first i thaught it was jetlag, we had been traveling a bit over the passed month. But this will be our last hop for a while. It is funny to me that Kansa’a family thinks she has an accent now. I think they do. At any rate Kansa started to show signs of depression.
“Not now!” I thought, we don’t even have medical insurance yet. Never the less I had to call Faith, a student at Trenity who is working her way through school as my assigned driver. She lives just down the road, so she took now time to get here.
There was a knock on the door. “Professor Antolic! Its Faith. The service said you needed a hospital?”
“Yes, it’s Kansa! Thank you for being so quick.”
“Not an issue Professor. Welcome back home.” Faith helped me pick up my wife and put her in the car. “We will take her to Saint James. But you look beat, I will stay with her. Take the care and go home.”
When we got to the hospital I saw Glenn. “Professor, your back! Welcome. Thanks for your help on that thing a little bit ago. We were able to close the case with some help from what you gave us.”
“I am glad to her it.” I said as I greated him with a hand shake.
“You look beat Proff, let’s finish our business here and I’ll take you home. You should not be driving and you know it.” Glenn took Faith’s keys from me and gave them back to her. “That is why the school hired my sister.” Faith chuckled under her breath.
Please Note: If you like seeing our work on this site or anarchyempowered.com
God please take care of my wife. After a few days of not sleeping and wishing Suicidal Tendencies. I had to take Kansa to the hospital. I don’t have any more to say other than pray for us.
Oh yah, I have been working on the course I told you about. lexicon for the class.
It may sound foolish but I think it may be genius. Antolic Enterprises is going to use the Affiliate part of the Empowerment Ministry Program to pay people to drive trafic to their own clasifide advertisement.
Here is how it works the user will post an add to sell anything, but he or she must register to do so. We then assign an affiliate code to the end of the url that is going to be assigned for their add. Now the classifide add will potentiality make the advertising individual money if and when the url generates a sale if one of our advertised products.
This is a win win for everyone. We get exposure and the adertiser gets a chance to sell his or her goods. But they would have to go to anarchyempowered.com
I see that I have a major change ahead of me. How do I implement our Empowerment Ministry in such a way that the disabled person can. Signup, submit his or her work and have it edited and approved online from anywhere in the world.
Furthermore, how do we get the word out about what we are trying to do? This blog is our tool for brainstorming. Outside comments are always welcomed. We use the social networking sites to exspand our exposure.
We are in the early stages of this project. At this point
In between unpacking, getting ready for shcool and a murder investigation that I was never planning to be apart of I have been building the website for Anarchy Empowered’s website. I thought it would be easier to keep the business and magazine separate since I will be using video from the magazine to teach my class.
As I was going through A.E.’s messages I read one that got my attention. A YouTube user comented on a statement I made on the Whitehouse Channel.
I was told that the statment in the title is a contradiction due to the asolute nutaure of truth. This much is correct but when dealing with the human cultural paradigm, we must take into account the fact that each culture will define what truth is in a different manner.
We call this phenomenon, “perceptive reality.” Think about it if the outcome it the American revolution had a different outcome, the Sons of Liberty would have been hung for treason.
The Liberal who made the comment tried to trip my up by asking me to give examples. I told her that one is eazy, just look at what was acceptable on television in 1950s versus what they play today. I went in to say that the acceptance of EBT cards in restaurants would have never hapened only 20 years ago.