I Choose To Be Happy

Over the passed year, I have lived throw cancer gotten divorced, been diagnosed with diabetes and been in and out of the mental health ward ofour local hospital and still people want me to go on.
What I have learned through this is that my happiness must be up to me. I am not perfect and don’t pretend to be: however, I know that  in spite of my past I can still have hope.

Darlene came to my rescue when Kansa left me. I had hoped to at least keep a friendship with my ex-wife, but she would not have it. Her choice forced me to move on. Now I am married to Darlene and still not quite recovered from the lost of Kansa in my life.

Yesterday Darlene and I went to the beach with Arthur, who is one of our dogs and watched him play in the sand. We took the long way home and enjoyed the time we had together. Kansa and I never took the to do the simple things like just taking a drive for no reason.

Relationships take work and Kansa gave up. I find myself stuck in one day’s event, that keeps me from moving on. The pain of  April 6, 2017 has me checking and rechecking the date. I have lost track of my life because of being stuck in the moment that Kansa walked out. I must choose to move on.

Working on it

Kansa and I worked out what we could but we never would get back together. I still send her the occasional letter just to show that I care but at least in this life time we agreed mutually that even a friend ship my be too much. But the truth is we are just too different. She needs someone who cares about holidays and birthdays. 

The ironic is that the day she  left for good I bought her a ring to replace to one she said she lost or did she throw it away like she did to me? I had it in my hand when I was invaded by her family. I clinched it so hard that even today the pattern of the ring can be seen in the palm of my hand.

Life is a story worthy of legend.

We all have our survivor stories, this one is mine. My true life adventure of survival starts when my wife of the last seven years decided to abandon me in favor of her concilor and lover.

This story talks about the struggle every man has after his wife betrays him. Only I have a twist on it. I am blind and my wife was my transportation to work, the person who filled out paperwork and just generally helped me function in every day life. This story is mostly about these struggles. I am hoping to inspire the reader to work for the successful resolution of conflicts within marriage and learn to communicate better.

With in the pages of this book, I talk about the basic struggles that other people have had to overcome. My favorite story is that of Daddy D. But others also come to mind.

Most of you know my own story and all of the stuff I have had to go through as I watch my vision fail more every day. But others have overcome their struggles and in the process even found success. 

Let me tell you about one man who lost his family to an apartment fire and uses his story to help his local fire department educate others about the importance of being prepared.

Glenn Anderson lost his wife and two girls to an apartment fire that started in a laundry shoot that was mistaken for an ashtray. In stead of putting his neighbor in jail, Mr. Anderson saw a need and took Mike Timms on a tour from school to school across Australia, the two men talk about forgiveness and handling grief. Glenn’s story is going to be one of the first that I talk about in my new book “The Survivor.” Over the course of this book, I too am learning how to forgive.

King Judah: aka “Eric Hawkind ” is the CEO and Founder of Black Satin Radio, who lives in Hinesville Georgia and has been writing for over 15 years. I asked the King a few questions that may inspire a more in dept interview later. Through the interview I learned that he was deeply inspired by Rovenna Martin who was encouraging him to put his thoughts to a page and helped guide him on his initial Journey on a road that lead to his career as a songwriter. Every child should has such a mentor.


AA= Wow thanks for getting back to me. I don’t do multi media any more because my wife packed up all of my equipment while I was in the hospital fighting for my life, and filed for divorce and moved all but a plate, a fork, pan to cook on and a mattress to sleep on. This has been on hell on a year for all of us.

So if you don’t mind doing an interview over massager it will be read in our magazine. I will send you the link once it is up.

So how did you come up with the name Black Satin Radio and what is the vision behind it.

KJ= Black Satin Radio name came from a poem I wrote called of the same name. Black Satin is smooth and silky and poetry should be of the same thread also to me.

The vision was very simple, it is to help struggling artist not to just get their material out there but for them to use the platform to rehearse and to shake the butterflies off their work to be a better performer. We never used to the vision to be critical but to help them to write better by giving tips on what could be said better and always have a good pace.

AA= Your vision is wonderful. Have you been able to inspire many Artists to do the work it takes to find success in an industry that seems to thrive in competition? How hard is it to get onto the industry? People tend to think that you have to know someone or have a bit of luck to get noticed. How true is this?

KJ= Through the grace of God have been an inspiration to quite a few artist. Kiley Brown, Serena Buttifli Brown, Timothy Dodley, Airealle Glynn, Rovenna Martin, Dawn Deep Rivers Blanchard to just name a few. Bill Peters was a great inspiration to me and I just took theblnowledge he gave me and try to build on it.

I believe for a artist to be in this arena it takes commitment morethen anything. Know what genre you are good in and stay in your lane until you are able to venture to other styles of writing. To be notice depends on your on visibliity and your work. Knowing someone doesn’t mean you have the skill to compete and luck depends on the rabbit foot you carry but one thing in found that is true is that the character of your work will carry you further then just some smooth words. What seen your words saying and how meaningful is it to the hearers?

AA= What got me following your work is you trust in our Creator. Have you found that your faith has attracted others to work with you?

KJ= Yes yes yes, that is so essential. My faith is very important to me. I chose the name Judah because of my faith. Judah means “Praise” in HEBREW. That is my message at the end of the day. No matter what you maybe going through you can pray and praise your way through. But also, learn that life is a learning experience. Why go through a certain situation when if you are not going to learn from it and pass the knowledge to someone who is going through what you just went through. I do my best to write from life experience and not fantasy. Readers know when something is real or not authentic. 

Others love working with me because I make writing easy. Fancy words does not make a good poem. Precise coloring of words do. Every word in every stanza has a place.

AA= This is what I needed. Thank you. I will send you the link once I have published it. God Bless.

KJ= Ok thank you for the opportunity

My divorce has served as a wake up call to me. It showed me that I was needing to do better. Kansa accused me of always being angry and in fact I was. My prayers go out to the woman who gave me my life back after wanting so much to put an end to it. I am sorry that she felt that she had to make me her enemy so I would let her go, but what be I do now?

The men mentioned in this article are inspiration for me because they are able to turn disaster into success.

My Worst Fears Have Been Realized.

I got home from work on Friday of last week and diesel off only to be woken up by Kana’s voice calling me. At first I was extremely happy to know that she was out of the hospital. Then I went into the living room.

My wife was surrounded by her family who came to Dublin Ireland from Vancouver, Washington in the USA, to support Kansa’s discussion to file for a divorce. As I went to give my wife a long awaited kiss that was not returned, she told me that she was going to be staying with her mom for a while. At that point Kansa’s sisters broke away and began to raid our home. It was a well planned escape that the Benet woman seemed to have mastered. I was given the divorce decree as they left.

Over the last few days Kansa has dissolved and taken down Anarchy Empowered. Stolen a large some of money and closed all of our bank accounts and dismantled our e-commerce payment networks. 

Kansa has 4 sisters and a mother who have all been through a divorce. They are masters at revenge but all I ever did was Love Kansa. Why do I deserve this?

However, I have come to terms with her absence, lovingly missing her for the rest of my days.

My life had to change and hopefully I can change for the better. Kansa taking her name off the lease and giving me all kinds of personal things to work on means that I am on my own. I knew that my $740.00 a month is not going to pay the $765.00 that is my rent.

I bought in a roommate to split the cost of rent and to keep me sane during the transition.

Kansa has desided to leave me.

From day one with Kansa’s councilor, the friction has been extreme. He told her to leave me, and she promised to stay but she she is going back to see him for counciling. 

When I confronted her about it, say said that I was giving her an ultimatum. I see it as Kansa never thinking of my feels on the matter and just doing what she wants. In fact the first thing she did this morning was call Doug, knowing that thus would hurt me. I am trying to be understanding but I am feeling lied to and spit on by my best friend.

I have been feeling alday that she doesn’t care about our relationship and rhat I need to just move on. I have been prayi g about this and gotten nothing so fare. At this point I am feeling a bit suicidal myself.

I have no one to turn to and Kansa is not listening. She feels that I am being selfish for getting upset about her seeking help. I say if Psychiatry was a real science Kansa would have a valid argument. But anything she tells me about multiple personalities smiply offends me. It is as if she thinks of me as some naive child who would believe anything.

Anyway it has been a long day and I just want it to end. I am hopping to feel differentially after some sleep. Kansa wants me to come and see he tomorrow but I fear that I would not be good company after being lied to and taken advantage of. Someone please shoot me and take me out of my misery.

My world is crashing down around me. My best friend has went the way of my family. I am so alone. 

I am not doing too well myself right now. I have always had Suicidal Tendencies the difference is I learned to recognized what was happening and surround myself with people my issue right now is I can’t find anybody to stay with. Being alone is dangerous for me at this piont. 

The Hospital Back Home Got Her Sick.

After about a week of Kansa being locked up in the prison they call a hospital, I started to ask myself why Kansa gets sick around both Christmas and Easter? Then I remebered that her meds were charged. 

I went back into my journal and found a trend that was unmistakable. 

  • November 15, 2010 Doctor changed meds for sleeping.
  • December 10, 2010 Kansa goes into hospital.
  • March 1, 2011 Doctor changes sleeping Meds.
  • March 10, 2011 Kansa ends up in hospital with suicidal thoughts.
  • December 3, 2011 Doct changes meds.

You can guess whst happened next. Seven years latter and the same patern is seen. It is as if the doctors were contracted to kill my wife the same way they killed my grandfather. I don’t know what to do other than stay on the Isle of Apples.

Avalon is the most beautiful of the islands ans I have always thought of her as home. Kansa would not understand why we could not go back to see her family but my families history may have put a price on her head. Here on the Isle of Apples she should be safe.

After all no council member would dream of breaking the treaty of Dann. This is sacred gound where no blood can be spilt in anger. I do pitty the fool who would ever break a covenant mad with the gods of pur fathers.

Christians dismiss and even mock the faith of the ancient religions, yet the Egyptians had 100% success rate winning the fight against cancer.

Mock me all you want, but I believe in the Tuath Dé.


Please Note: This post is a work of fiction that is used to teach a leson at http://www.anarchyempowered.com

I am so tired.


We were up all night, my wife and i. She listened to her music as she paced the hard wood floor of our old farm house. At first i thaught it was jetlag, we had been traveling a bit over the passed month. But this will be our last hop for a while. It is funny to me that Kansa’a family thinks she has an accent now. I think they do. At any rate Kansa started to show signs of depression.
“Not now!” I thought, we don’t even have medical insurance yet. Never the less I had to call Faith, a student at Trenity who is working her way through school as my assigned driver. She lives just down the road, so she took now time to get here.

There was a knock on the door. “Professor Antolic! Its Faith. The service said you needed a hospital?”

“Yes, it’s Kansa! Thank you for being so quick.”

“Not an issue Professor. Welcome back home.” Faith helped me pick up my wife and put her in the car. “We will take her to Saint James. But you look beat, I will stay with her. Take the care and go home.”

When we got to the hospital I saw Glenn. “Professor, your back! Welcome. Thanks for your help on that thing a little bit ago. We were able to close the case with some help from what you gave us.”

“I am glad to her it.” I said as I greated him with a hand shake.
“You look beat Proff, let’s finish our business here and I’ll take you home. You should not be driving and you know it.” Glenn took Faith’s keys from me and gave them back to her. “That is why the school hired my sister.” Faith chuckled under her breath.

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Have you ever been overwhelmed?

This is how I have been feeling thesedays. Sometimes I know that I need to just take a step back and get a new prospective, but who has the time?

Antolic Enterprises tries to work off of mostly volunteers but at this point I don’t have enough people to make up for the work load.

My fist course in Anthropology is being written and we will have it opened for people to audit. Kansa and I are going back to Ireland on tuesdays. Glenn and his sister Faith are holding down the fort for us until we get back. In the meantime, writing content for both sites and building this course has meant that I can’t keep my eyes opened. I am going to find a rack, good night.

May the Load be with you.

You can find the syllabus for Anthro 468 on Anarchy Empowered’s website. That will give you all you need to know about the course. It is being written for Dublin Local Stundents from Trinity College but the course work anyone can take. This is the wonderful thing about the net.