For many having something to do every day helps us define who we are to other people. By not allowing me to work Darlene striped me of my identity.
My self-esteem was in the crapper. But after I left for civilization I felt much better. I started working again. I am not taking well to the graveyard shift but it is a job. Now I am setting goals to rent a room closer to work.
In the meantime, I have enjoyed getting to know my new family. Today is Thanksgiving and I enjoyed dinner with the largest exstended family I have ever known.
I have been building a fictional caractor named Bail Tempist. But it was put on hold by moving in with Darlene. However Darlene and Kansa both contribute to the caractoristics of an Antagonist, named Sonya Write.
What keeps me going without Kansa is hope for the future. Darlene killed that Hope, now is my chance to get it back.
Most of my adult life, I have found myself trying to convince myself that I am doing alright. My family broke up when I was a Teenager and my first wife died. After my Dad left my Grabdfather died and that night I ran until I could not remember coming home.
My running was just a symbiotic foreshadowing of the rest of my life, at least until about seven years ago, when I met Kansa. The woman who is now my wife gave me the only life I care to remember. Before that was a collage of blurry images, with breif moments of Hell.
They say that you are lost when you are living in sin. Well it is the truth. I was taking the most dangerous missions hopping that a bullet would find me. I was living a life of promiscuity and was addicted to both sex and pornography. To top things off I was living out of my backpack and had convinced myself that I was happy with my life of instability. Infact I would tell people that my instability was my stability.
The truth was, even when I conned my way into a Catholic Seminary, I was running because I did not know who God needed me to be. At one point I was a weapon for the highest bidder. Latter I rescued a family off of the roof of a collapsing house during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Like I said I was what ever the circumstances needed at the time.
My time in the Legion taught me to forge whatever document I needed to con my way into a job. I even worked as a teacher for a time, but no one knew who I was, least of all me. But my wife introduced me to the man in the mirror and to Jesus. The family I never would have had without my wife change my life for the better.
I put most of that life behind me and it is not easy making an honest living. But we make due. I tend to have a short feuse and a hot head but I am getting better.
Kansa and I don’t talk about my past but live for the future. She knows that I have skills that no honest person should ever have a chance to develope but we leave it there.
I am greatful for the gophel in my life. I would probably be dead otherwise.
AntolicEnterprises.org is dedicated to cancer research. “The Enemy At The Gate,” is our second book in our “Endure To Live” series. This book is centered on turn the patient’s life completely around and in the process helping them recover from addiction and mending family ties that have been broken. We are still in the development stage for this porject.